The Fuss Over T-list Yesterday

It's almost 4 in the morning and yet, am still awake in bunch of thought. Again.
It was started last night, I slept early at 7 and waking up at 10 from a sudden call for another job desc.

Skip this part already.

So then the fuss in my timeline on this thing: https://twitter.com/search?q=%23IDtanpahomofobia&src=hash
In the morning, rejection came not as big as what I felt last night and continue until right now. So at first, my apologize IF my writing is that offensive, or you may think I am that conservative. But I am simply giving my thought. You are might thinking that at some point you are right, and the actual truth, is vice versa. Because I know we are all worshiping freedom and humanity right now. And I know there is no the rightest parameter to decide the rightest and the wrongest. So, I simply want we all blend, when you have already spoken what you think is right, and that is your right as human, so am I now.



I personally and sincerely think that the tagline of "against homophobia" is okay. What kind of human are we if we fear each other, insult each other, and marginalize each other? Yesterday morning all are pretty fine when my timeline is simply telling that they have family, friends, relatives, etc who are LGBTs. And they respect them. I have mine, too. And I am pretty get along nice with them. But then, my mind cannot goes along well when suddenly, the "celebration day" came up with some people, having their own kultwit, philosophically-approaching, saying that Homosexuality is okay, and not a disorder.

Hey, is the essence of the day has quite much dragged along?

I think the day is all about how we should respect all kind of people. Because people do really are not defined by anything they choose. But, the problem here is how I see at certain thing.

I might be conservative. Too way conservative in some values that I still uphold. I might not that acknowledged. But I believe all of you have mind, which is exactly consisted of some essence; logic, heart, humanity, value, and faith. What I will say might call another mind which can be smooth or pretty judgemental. But whatever it is, I appreciate that.

Homosexuality is not okay for me, personally. I am still thinking that it is called as Sexual "Disorientation" for reason. And status quo that we call people as "Straight" not "non gay" are happening for reason. That we, as human, intentionally or not, still naturally believe that a true nature is coming from heterosexuality.

Why naturally? And why is it a disorder? We do have a nature as human. And I still hold to that value which is unbargainable. Because of some point, we, as humans are just too small where universe is way too wide. There will be several things which are out of our control and cannot be explained.

Our nature as human make us have to eat everyday,and properly. And when it comes that people stick their finger to their throats, puking all foods which are they've just eaten then we said them having eating disorder. And I assume people are smart enough to not hate them, instead hold them, respect them, taking care of them, and telling them that is not okay so they have to back eating normally, as how human suppose to eat.

And same goes about love. Eating desire is something that we cannot choose to have when or what (and who for Love case) towards. At first, love may be just simply about two person. But if you are just not being denial, how can you come out from this world without love? Yes, Love makes your race kind preserved. God made first human as Adam and Hawa, as Man and Woman in a bond, for reason. God made you penis and vagina for reason. So this why I am not agree for those who saying that homosexuality is not a disorder. You know that the nature of human is that love happens between man, and woman. That love, cannot be separated from sex. You are made by the combination of Sperm and Ovum. By Penis met Vagina. Not from an oral or anal.

Let's say that loving anyone is a right. And everyone deserved their pursuit of happiness. But then how can you expect to be loved rightly when since beginning what you do is opposing human nature? Is it righteousness still there?

And also. Being homosexuality is a human right. We all want to be hand in hand as human. And humanity should be accepted universally, which, upholding all kind of races, ethnic, and religions. But then, you know, I personally believe and pursue all kind of rights that make me human, all kind of rights which we are deserved. But don't be a very big and too deep worshiper of human rights. Human rights should actually there when it is not harming any other person's right. Which is I believe that we are here because of God, not just suddenly *poof* and happens. (judge me conservative). And to that, so we build connection through God, the power that beyond our control, by religion (call me conservative again). Faith I have is also my right. And then I am still believing that, if, you are committed in one religion, there will be several values which is cannot be bargained even by the human rights.

So that, why we are not simply maintaining our humanity through what our religion have told us so? If you deny this, look deeper on your own religion (and I am still doing it, too) you will see that actually its value will tell you humanity. Humanity on the right track. Still in the nature path. No religions told you to harming the others.

Then again, the conclusion is: yesterday International Day Against Homophobia was quite dragged along. It should be a reminder for us that we should be act as human, who still hand in hand to be one, who still same without any differences. But then the essence of yesterday changed. Still, for me, Homosexuality is not okay. What if homosexuality come to our nearest person? Are you just by a blink accepting that without even a slight denial in your heart? I believe IF you are still human, you will. So, tell them that homosexuality is not okay. If they decline. Then okay, at least you tell. For the rest is back their own. That is your very first duty. And your last duty is? Making them as a part of you, respect them, not hating them. And for the rest, I simply believe it is God, and Universe's turn to work.



My sincerely thought.
-C

Once Upon A Time

So once upon a time, there was a girl. Who might seemed live but lifeless, seemed breath but almost every single thing she did was wrong. When it went right, it's just God being nice. She lived impassionately, She simply had wants. But it did not reach the point until she try to made the wants happen.

So there she was. Live, but pointless. She live day by day by simply pursued for happiness. Which was exactly not real. Pseudo. Here, but momentary and temporary. She still pursued some of her goals. But mostly of them didn't going smooth. She still did whatever she like, but most of times the things she like suddenly suffocated her until she felt bad toward herself.

She did not need the pity. She even has pitied herself. She sick of being blamed. She did that her own. The things that still made the light inside here eyes, even slight, might be just her wonderful family and how her friends made her laugh for day by day. Even when she was herself the hollow would be there, again.

Some said to her how her life is envy-able. Some hate her to the point even herself recognize them as strangers. Some underestimate her. But some love her that much to the point she feel that she does not deserve that.

But luckily how far she was, and how big the feeling that she was alone. But God is still there. Watch her. And work for her in a very mysterious way.

When God knew that she was on the wrong path. Getting more far from her goals. Getting more not likely what she used to thing exactly the way it was. God works.

God may be tired for warning her in a common way. By failing her in some circumstances, in things she struggled for. But she did not blame it at all. She realized it was all her who not being all herself. Not to do her best.

So God made her a special way. God make her a very special occasion. When she work it to the bone. When it almost finished she thought that was almost perfectly done. Suddenly the world flipped. People think it is not even reaching proper. People strike what she has done out. People even try to pull the trigger to kill her personally in a packaged of what she has done in her job. They don't blame her work, they blame her for being her. They hate her. Until she realized they hate herself since she was in that kind of pointless life period.

They may still hate her until she does not even know when. But a while ago she realized it is the way of God to work in a very mysterious way. To slap her right on her face. To show here that she must rise again, being herself, and fix every single mess she has done towards her own life.

She might be not good enough. But she is thankful for having a very god God.

Maybe, Untitle?

So, how do we start? Hehehe.

Maybe by this: several days ago I promised my self to be back in blogspot eventho I still love tumblr that much. hehe, kidding. For no reasons, I just want my silly writing (eventho noone will actually read it) can be tracked down by noneother than, me.

I guess I mostly wrote shits, I prolly admit. But I also promised my self that no matter what, I have to keep on writing, basically everything. Because I intentionally realized that words are my knives, and they need to be sharpened often. And how much I do realize that words are often-ly pain relieving, tho sometimes this thing which is caused the pain.
So here I am, snuggling in almost dawn on my "hampir berkerak dan penuh sarang laba-laba" blogspot just for adding more rubbish here. :p

Just call it tonight: Things "slaps" me, slow, but awakened.
What happens to me? I do realize it since I am the only one on this planet who said "Perahu Kertas" is so-so. At first I think that that's my fault for reading the book right before watching it. But then, tonight I realize: I lost the focus of my self. I look at that point straight, but some of shadows still keeping on it behind.


I miss you at this highest point this night.

I miss you to the point I feel this kind of pain in all over me.


But it is not like I am willing to go back or something. I miss your presence. And that was my very first mistake for assuming presence will actually bring everything work.

But then I guess I realized, since the longing is based on merely presence. I do miss my Baby Toshiba more than you.

I know, I might be the devilest person in the world for being too loved and too hated.



-C

My -so called- 2 Years Goals

Actually it was my tumblr post, but I'm kinda feel guilty if I'm not posting it. Because my careless upon my blogspot. :p

So, I just get bored and suddenly a train of thought popped out from my mind. I’ve graduated from High School, finally, even though I’m still struggling out to get my dream place to continue for my education, even better, my life. But realizing that maybe I had no accomplished any gigantic achievements during high school, I’m still questioning my self: Why I was doing nothing during those 3 good damn years? Why I didn’t do much much and MUCH-ER better when the opportunities windows were opened for me? For God’s sake, I’m grateful for what God have given to me during high school: a great debate team, 2 years opportunities of Geoscience olympiad, Siswa berprestasi, MPK and OSIS fast track offering. (I swear, a teacher, who is an OSIS tutor even suddenly offered me a fast track for becoming the head of OSIS candidates without joining the organization a year before hand. Which I directly declined giggling like a moron with billion of stupid reasons)

So what’s the matter that make me sad and kinda regret during days after National Exam-and until now- was: How come I’ve just passed my high school time without anything great inside? Kenapa dulu-dulu selama kompetisi gue cuma bisa ngelakuin yg gue bisa? Please, I’ve been taught for doing best for anything since I was in kindergaten. How come? How come?

Maybe you will judge me as an ambitious bitch, but yeah, what’s life without achievements? When your surrounding even going to Germany for students exchange.

So then, why I’m choosing 2 years for my target of time?

Again, 2 years is the time until I reach my end of teenager times.

Again, I don’t wanna passed my golden time again without nothing’s great inside.

Again, it’s just only 2 months before my 18, before being legal. (though how much wishing for being forever 17, like The Cullens)

And tada… Bismillahirrahmanirrahiiim. Here’s the things that maybe I’m gonna to achieve before I reach my 20. You maybe wanna laugh on it out loud. But again, teenage dream speaks :)

1. Accepted in State University. This may be the gate. I don’t know, God is the one’s plan maker. I’m just wishing it so.
2. Joining any debating team again. I’m not lying when I said debate is kinda a part of my life. I feel like Harry being pulled from his muggle world.
3. Starting to read, and write again. My 3 years seems so far away from books, and of course, NEWSPAPER. When I’m typing this out, Mom is so sad because I read none of 3 newspaper she have bought today. I’m too busy for my twitter ‘life’, yes that’s the biggest factor. And don’t ask about writing, all I’ve written during high school were those stupid fan fictions, just a mere journal for my sispres scoring, and yes, just some stupid essay or speech for my school tasks. I’m even dazzling now how come I can write such as criminal stories and even about Konstantinopel, Spain-Andalusia conquest and its black market when I was in 7th grader, 13 years old -_- when I’m 17 just doing nothing.
4. Beneficial for other people. This feeling is just kinda indescribable. Big, and grow bigger and bigger for each day. And you know how much it’s hurt when my capacities haven’t enough yet to make any better benefit. :(
5. I want to teach. for what I got during 9 years study. No, I’m totally not into making teacher as my future job, but really, my Muhammad even said that’s why we learn, to share and give it to another people. I’m maybe that stupid for logarithm and its friend, but again, maybe there’s a little of what I’ve known during my 17 years old life. Especially I really really want to teach for the not having ones, I’m really wishing Allah will hear and make it come true :(
6. it’s what I really really want to achieve in my future varsity. I really really want to join any kind of debate or MUN international competitions. You maybe get it silly, but… Yeah… that’s one of my dreams. And I wish I can achieve it in my life.
7. The last is… Having a good man. Who knows Allah well, who knows what to talk, who knows what to laugh, who knows what to discuss, who knows how to lead, who knows how to handle me, and of course.. Who knows me. Yes, funny. But still, I’m an human with heart. Still needs a shelter, still needs a special place for share, still needs shoulder to cry on. Hahaha sound silly. But again, I have my own right in my own goal-semi-wishing list, right? ;)

Okay that’s all. Hope those all will be accomplished before my August 08 August 2013, before my 20, before the end of my teenagers. Maybe long enough, maybe no one read, but again, I must try to write again, right? :D

Regards,

Me.

Pikiran yang mungkin masih akan melanda sampe setahun kedepan.

Hello, this is just another homey sunday with many things wait to do behind.

But I am share something that actually it's a bit unexplainable, indeed.

Last Night I did some chatting with my seniors on high school.
One of them both is already accepted in Diponogoro University for Law Faculty, and One else is already accepted in University of Indonesia for Social and Political Faculty.

Well, I do I get some benefit info from it. And they're that hilarious to talk and discuss about. They explain for some question that I dunno Who I can ask for, and still lingering on my mind.
They told me about the reasons of why they chose their major.
And I am completely agree.
I have my own desire, big desire, for studying about Social, Politics and Laws in my entire studying life.

But actually there are the problems. When you have to accept that You're a citizen, a kids, and a student of INDONESIA you have to choose (or being chosen) one kinda of major in your high education.
Neither like in USA or another great country in Asia, which is you have your own freedon to choose when you are longing to study (Because They are so many choice for appropriate education institution, there) and Indonesia have about billion students to study in maybe just a few qualified universities.
Ha?
So we must fight for Passing Grade, How many people Interested in, What the most 'safe' major to choose, and How to pay for those expensive College's fees.

Wahahahaha, How's wonderous The Systematical of Education in this Country Is.

And my problem is, I just put my interesting in quite number of Major.
As I've already told that I am interested in Social thingies before.
But Have I already told you? What the heck the Major that I am happy to stuck my brain to study about?
Well, maybe you gonna judge me bad if you doesnt know me well.

First, My big obsession since I was in Junior High school is being a diplomat.
So INTERNATIONAL RELATIONSHIP is a kinda heaven of my whole education life.

Second, I have a dumby thought about for become an influence for the others. Hahahaha my pleasure if you want to Laugh at me OUT LOUD ;)
So, I think take the Law Faculty can be one way of my random thought.

Third, Since I joined in to Geoscience Olympiad. And because of how cool my geography teacher when I was in 10th grade is, suddenly it's THE ONLY ONE OF SCIENCE THINGS THAT I LOVE IT ABOUT!!!
I ever thought about chemical engineering and Fakultas Ilmu tekhnik perminyakan (apalah bahasa inggrisnya, gue ga kepikiran sama sekali), because Chemist look alike the most friendly subject in science!
Hahaha.
But suddenly I realized, gue bukan tipikal orang yang demen ngehabisin berlembar-lembar kertas cuma buat mengolah angka, rumus, ketetapan sialan dan blablabla itu.
Tiba-tiba geoscience dateng kayak Spongebob dengan harpa dan sinar malaikatnya memberi Tuan Crabs ide.
I am suddenly in love with geology.
Why?
Because it needs the comparison about 50:50 buat hafalan sama hitung-hitungannya.
Me likey likey, ayey ayey!

Fouth is Social Anthroplogy.
Sejak gue nonton si Annie Wadrock di Nanny diaries, gue langsung berbinar-binar menyadari betapa kerennya yang bakal dipelajarin di antropologi social.
And it was supported for one matery that I learn in sociology, it dirrectly told how Interested Social Anthropology Social is!
Hahaha call me freak or whatevsss of it.

Fifth are The majors that My heart love it apart.
They are Pshycology and Communication things.
Maybe I shouldn't explain it well.
Most people have already know, betapa diincernya jurusan-jurusan ini.

Sixth, ini sisanya.
Jurusan yang diajukan sebagai solusi oleh orang tua gue.
Kayak Economy things, Major-major yang ada di IPB sama Kedokteran...... Errrr....
I like it, but, well... Maybe I don't know how to through it IF I get them in my hand


However they sound not good, actually.
In Indonesia you have to decide What kind of Job do you prefer in.
My friend already do it, mereka bisa konsen di satu bidang.
Sementara gue?
Errr.... Bercabang-cabang udah kayak rambut medusa.

Tapi masih ada waktu kurang dari satu tahun lagi chyn.
Gue bakal berusaha dan bertanya dengan The Only One who create me, my Lord, Allah SWT.
Dan ditambah ngomong sama mami papi. Bener kata orang, they surely want the best for me.


Berkahi jalanku, Ya Allah.

Emo Devil Feeling.

It's actually getting reach midnight.
But what the hell am I doing?
Laying a side on my bed, do some blogging with my best-best friend, "The Red". Lol
And actually it's really really a dumb act. Why? I have so much tight activity to do tomorowzzz. Those following examinations, a kinda of some plans, and Nurul Fikri. (well, mungkin gue agak lebay ya bilang tight schedule)


So, (maybe) you asked : hey dumby, so why don't you take a rest now?
The answer is : Hey wisy, I need some sweet escapes for my Bad mood, Emo feeling.
Hahaha yeah yeah you're right. I am gonna ragging again in this update.
It's like I just want to enjoy my hapinnes my self, dont wan't to share ;P

If you don't like it, stop to continue. It's just my own way to think about something which is going random my own.

It's started suddenly, beetches. Who's the one I can blame?
Myself.
For give my good feeling to bad mood, and like admitted it a wholeheartedly.
Good job, Chyntia. Good job!
I am always giving any talks to people for not being beatten by the mood.
But?


Hah, it happens suddenly sih emang. Everything seems quite well before I took a nap this afternoon.
Okay...
Quite well...
I've just felt the high of proudness, felt the satisfactory of my thought and awareness, Being given any compliments from some mates.
Until suddenly, Adzan is up in the air, and the devil said : "Hey Hey it's a really really comfy peace condition, just go! Have some rest!"
And the, Here I was... Closing my eyes ignoring the adzan

Astagfirullohalaziiiiiiiiim.


And suddenly: DANG!
The devil bad mood came.
I get up on half past five, And having lately Ashar. And tadaaaa... I was so much feeling unnecessarily bad when My sist come home.
I hate for her inappropiate act (for me, personally. When in that emo feeling)
And theeen, my mom came.
I felt emo and she felt terribly tired.
A perfect combination for drag the badmood devil to my mind.
I.FELT.QUITE.LAZY.TO.DO.SOMETHING.

So the conclusion is :
I HAVE TO REARRANGE MY RESTING TIME.



Including, NOW!!!



SHUT DOWN "THE RED", PUH-LEEEEEASE!!!

HEY TAKE ME TO NARNIA OR NEVERLAND, NOW!!!

YA ALLAH YA RABB, INI APAAN YA ALLAH? GA KUAT BENERAN PENGEN LARIIIIIIIII.

If I could tell how much I feel the vain inside, I don't know what's supposed to I do even to calm my self down.


GA AKAN LAGI-LAGI GUE MENYANGGUPI PERMINTAAN SEKOLAH YANG GA MASUK AKAL.

Ya Allah beneran mau nangis ini aaaaaah :'''''(

For everything's sake, gue baru tau yang namanya doing something under pressure and being catched by the deadline.
It feels like you want to go go away, ignore the obligation that ACTUALLY you musn't get.
Ya ALLAH BENERAN ASTAGHFIRULLOHALAZIIIIIM.

HOW COULD I PREPARE MY SELF FOR ACADEMIC, ART AND SCIENTIFIC WORK IN THOSE FUCKING THREE DAYS?!!!!!!

:''''''''''''''''''''''''''(


Ps : sorry for those brokenly english. I can't think clearly how to deal with an aproppiate write. It's just a way to ragging for those terribly hectic condition