Once Upon A Time

So once upon a time, there was a girl. Who might seemed live but lifeless, seemed breath but almost every single thing she did was wrong. When it went right, it's just God being nice. She lived impassionately, She simply had wants. But it did not reach the point until she try to made the wants happen.

So there she was. Live, but pointless. She live day by day by simply pursued for happiness. Which was exactly not real. Pseudo. Here, but momentary and temporary. She still pursued some of her goals. But mostly of them didn't going smooth. She still did whatever she like, but most of times the things she like suddenly suffocated her until she felt bad toward herself.

She did not need the pity. She even has pitied herself. She sick of being blamed. She did that her own. The things that still made the light inside here eyes, even slight, might be just her wonderful family and how her friends made her laugh for day by day. Even when she was herself the hollow would be there, again.

Some said to her how her life is envy-able. Some hate her to the point even herself recognize them as strangers. Some underestimate her. But some love her that much to the point she feel that she does not deserve that.

But luckily how far she was, and how big the feeling that she was alone. But God is still there. Watch her. And work for her in a very mysterious way.

When God knew that she was on the wrong path. Getting more far from her goals. Getting more not likely what she used to thing exactly the way it was. God works.

God may be tired for warning her in a common way. By failing her in some circumstances, in things she struggled for. But she did not blame it at all. She realized it was all her who not being all herself. Not to do her best.

So God made her a special way. God make her a very special occasion. When she work it to the bone. When it almost finished she thought that was almost perfectly done. Suddenly the world flipped. People think it is not even reaching proper. People strike what she has done out. People even try to pull the trigger to kill her personally in a packaged of what she has done in her job. They don't blame her work, they blame her for being her. They hate her. Until she realized they hate herself since she was in that kind of pointless life period.

They may still hate her until she does not even know when. But a while ago she realized it is the way of God to work in a very mysterious way. To slap her right on her face. To show here that she must rise again, being herself, and fix every single mess she has done towards her own life.

She might be not good enough. But she is thankful for having a very god God.

Maybe, Untitle?

So, how do we start? Hehehe.

Maybe by this: several days ago I promised my self to be back in blogspot eventho I still love tumblr that much. hehe, kidding. For no reasons, I just want my silly writing (eventho noone will actually read it) can be tracked down by noneother than, me.

I guess I mostly wrote shits, I prolly admit. But I also promised my self that no matter what, I have to keep on writing, basically everything. Because I intentionally realized that words are my knives, and they need to be sharpened often. And how much I do realize that words are often-ly pain relieving, tho sometimes this thing which is caused the pain.
So here I am, snuggling in almost dawn on my "hampir berkerak dan penuh sarang laba-laba" blogspot just for adding more rubbish here. :p

Just call it tonight: Things "slaps" me, slow, but awakened.
What happens to me? I do realize it since I am the only one on this planet who said "Perahu Kertas" is so-so. At first I think that that's my fault for reading the book right before watching it. But then, tonight I realize: I lost the focus of my self. I look at that point straight, but some of shadows still keeping on it behind.


I miss you at this highest point this night.

I miss you to the point I feel this kind of pain in all over me.


But it is not like I am willing to go back or something. I miss your presence. And that was my very first mistake for assuming presence will actually bring everything work.

But then I guess I realized, since the longing is based on merely presence. I do miss my Baby Toshiba more than you.

I know, I might be the devilest person in the world for being too loved and too hated.



-C